Hogwarts Talent Quest
by morgy
Summary: A lovely little fanfic where all our beloved characters get to show there true colours, and Harry his fahsion sense and great use of dodging things and what Ron really does to help. Also there is a little Hermione and Viktor action...and i'm pretty sure s
1. hello mr mooman

  
I know that that there haven't been a lot of updates etc and sort of yeah! Well here's a lovely story and everyone will get to have fun! Oh goody goody gumdrops! WAIT! WATCH! WALK!   
  
** HOGWARTS TALENT QUEST **   
  
Dumbledore announced at breakfast that they were going to have a talent quest. The prize would be a 10 Galleons shopping voucher for Hogsmeade.   
Harry and Ron looked at each other.   
"Yeah, money!" Ron yelled.   
"Yeah, clothes shopping! I can buy a REAL fur coat!" cried Harry.   
"What's wrong with your fake one?"   
Harry ignored him with a look that said 'you don't know anything about fashion'   
"Er, shopping" muttered Hermione.   
She was the only one in the great hall that wasn't excited. After sitting in the excitement for some time and starting to get uncomfortable, she suddenly got the point.   
"I can go and get some BOOKS!!" she shouted so loudly that everyone heard. Her voice echoed around the hall.   
The tension in the hall ceased.   
  
"Fuck you!" someone shouted.   
"Fuck you too!" retorted Hermione.   
"No, I meant it literally- Fuck you- you know what I mean?" shouted a voice that belonged to Viktor Krum.   
"Oh...OK then" Hermione blushed, "I mean, I really like you and everything but don't you think that is a bit extreme?"   
"GET A ROOM!" chorused the other people.   
"Oh yeah!" Harry yelled in the silence that followed," I'll come too!"   
  
  
***   
K, next one chapter is actually going to be about the Talent Quest! Yay! Hoorah for the Giraffe's. you will see Harry Potter at his best and the real reason he wins everything, plus Harry may get a new fur coat! Isn't that exciting! Guest appearances also be Draco, Crabbe, Goyle, Pansy and other lovely people as such. So stay tuned, hopefully this author's note is longer than the actual chapter, all in all I think it's more for your money...that's why people buy in bulk, though sometimes it isn't better so you have to remember to figure out how much it is for one, that's how to get ahead in life... 


	2. The dustbin

Been waiting for the ACTUAL Talent Quest?? Well, here it is! NOTE: I'm really sorry if you think Harry Potter is a hero, but please...what can he actually do? What has he done? Everyone else does all the work for him- lazy bugger! ===================================================================  
  
"Hi, I'm Oliver Wood!" (Moans from crowd)..."and I'll be your host for tonight's Talent Quest!!" *cheering* "First up we have....NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM!! Please give Neville a round of applause!" Neville tripped on the way up to the stage. He lay flat for a few minutes, got up and bowed. "I hope you liked my act," he said. Confusion followed.  
  
"And....now we have SEAMUS FINNIGAN!!- this is supposed to be good by the way.....SEAMUS, COME ON DOWN!!" *applause* Oliver placed a feather in front of Seamus. Seamus raised his wand. "Wingardium Leviosa!" The feather exploded, singing Seamus' skin, where his eyebrows had once been.  
  
"WOW! EXCELLENT!" Oliver exclaimed as the crowd cheered. "Now, here's something different- HERMIONE GRANGER, COME ON DOWN!!" Groans from crowd  
  
"Hi everyone! *nervous, blushing* Today I'm here to teach you study skills...." "GET OFF THE STAGE!!" the crowd chorused.  
  
Hermione *sobbing* made her way down from the stage, handing out handwritten study guides as she went. There were a lot of paper aeroplanes in the air after that....  
  
"AND, HARRY POTTER- show us your meeting with Voldemort!" "How...how could you be so cruel? It still haunts me... sometimes ..... at night I have nightmares about it...." Harry's voice trailed off. Hermione's sobbing increased. "Hmmm...interesting....So. What have you got for us today?"  
  
"Well...I thought since I'm so great, I could do something really exciting for you....but there's so much to choose from...I have so many talents."  
  
"Well, what are they?" Oliver asked, really interested in the answer.  
  
"Well...I can dodge fire on a broomstick and I can run through empty hedge tunnels really fast and fight the non-existent monsters in it at the same time!!" he flexed his muscles.  
  
"Yes, what ELSE?" "Hmm...here, let me show you.." Harry begins to run around on the stage.  
  
"GET OFF THE STAGE!!" The crowd begins to throw things at Harry but Harry is skilled at dodging things and dodges uncontrollably. Ron gets excited (not in that way) and yells "WAIT! MY ACT IS COMBINED WITH HARRY'S!!" "Yeah!" yells the crowd.  
  
Ron runs up on stage and stands in the corner, his face hidden in the shadows. The crowd stares expectantly at him while Harry continues dodging the objects which are now non-existent. "I'm watching." says Ron proudly, his face is red with further pride.  
  
Hermione dives from the crowd to lie protectively in front of Harry, who dodges Hermione and continues weaving.  
  
Harry, Ron and Hermione are eventually swept off stage by Parvarti's levitating and pushing brooms act. (This was obviously an on-the-spot addition to the program.)  
  
Oliver clears his throat; "And next up we'll have DRACO MALFOY!!"  
Oooohh.... SUSPENSE....... What will Draco do? I could tell you....BUT NO! You will have to read the next chapter!! (I'm sorry to put you through so much pain). In the next chapter we have an interesting act from Pansy Parkinson..........wait and see! 


	3. LORD OF THE POLE

Draco appears on stage and says with a commanding air, "I am going to turn into my illegal animagus form- a FERRET!" A second later, out of a puff of smoke, Malfoy the Ferret appears on stage, tap- dancing. Unfortunately, Crabbe and Goyle 'accidentally' kill him by stepping on him. A round of applause issues forth. "Wow! That was amazing! What is the name of your act?" Wood asks. "Um..yum..crap.on..foot" blurts out Crabbe. Goyle seems to be oblivious to this as he extracts Malfoy from his foot and puts him in a cauldron. "Yummy."  
  
"Righteyo" says Wood. "Up next is the amazing, eagerly awaited act....lets have it boys..PANSY PARKINSON in LORD OF THE POLE!!"  
  
Pansy appears on stage holding a large pole on a stand whilst wearing a large fur coat.  
  
"Take off that fur coat!" Harry exclaims eagerly. "Yeah, show us the stuff, Pansy!" yells Ron. "No! I want the coat!" Harry explains. "You're a wank, Harry!" yelled Ron, Neville and Seamus who had been listening in. they all turned back to the stage, transfixed by the show about to begin.  
  
Pansy did take off her coat..to reveal... "Eeeewww, Pansy put the coat back on!" cried Ginny. All guys were transfixed. "That's called entertainment!" She positioned herself next to the pole while the music was put on full blast and opened her mouth to sing; "Why won't you fly home Spaceley? Why won't you fly home..."  
  
Meanwhile, her lame attempts at pole dancing while singing left her winded, sweaty, and her blubber jiggled at every turn. Never the less, all the guys were slackjawed- this was the first time a Hogwarts girl had poledanced.  
  
Snape strode up to the stage, eyes bright in squashed face. "Would you....would you marry me?" he asked Pansy. "Pretty please?" he added in a sickly sweet voice, fluttering his eyelashes. "Um." Pansy replied, seriously considering it. "SHE'S MINE!" and Snape was knocked out by a huge hairy thing, Hagrid. Hagrid proposed and after him it was Dumbledore's turn, who knelt jerkily and then fell over onto his side, dead.  
  
"ENOUGH OF THIS! I AM THE PRETTY ONE!" and all eyes were once again fixed on Oliver.  
  
At this point, 10-50 girls (and guys) swamped the stage, all professing undying love for Oliver Wood. He retained his god-like position, thus all was well and good in the small mind of Oliver Wood. "And now, Ladies and Gentlemen, would you please return to your seats *peeling off girls and guys* and let's get on with the show! Up next is FRED AND GEORGE WEASLEY!!"  
  
Fred and George skipped to the stage and stood there. Loud applause and laughter followed. They both grinned and hopped back to their seats. A bright-eyed Ron clapped them. "Well done, guys! That was excellent! Really hilarious! I nearly died laughing!" "Well, glad you didn't! It would be a terrible shame if you died, wouldn't it George?" Fred asked him. "Oh yeah, TERRIBLE." "Hahahahhahahhaha, you guys are sooooo funny! GOOD CALL! You should do stand-up comedy!"  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
"Last, but by no means least....CHO CHANG AND THE QUIDDITCH GIRLS PERFORM THE CAN-CAN!!" 


End file.
